I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
Exercise? I thought you said fries.
No pants are the best pants.
To me “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
People with tattoos are WAY more fun to see naked.
Eat whatever you want & if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight, Eat them too.
On the bright side I’m not addicted to Cocaine.
Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.
Tips for flirting: Carve your name & phone number into a potato & roll it towards eligible mates you wish to court with.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… on tables, chairs and random people.
If people don’t think you’re cute just kill them.
Cat hair is lonely people glitter.
Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs.. Say thank you, because drugs are expensive.